Tareq Salahi, a polo-playing winemaker, and his wife, Michaele Salahi recently crashed the first Obama Administration State Dinner at the White House.
Now let's face facts, there are so many Jackballs involved in this story, I'm not really quite sure where to begin, so let's go alphabetically:
The District Socialites
It's cool - we'll call your rich @$$es out on this one. Did NO ONE notice that Tareq and Michaele hadn't called ANY of you to ask if you wanted to ride in together? This is a f--king state dinner - and not just any f--king state dinner - it's the Obama's first one. This is something you share with friends, baby.
If you get invited to the White House for a party, you go, right?? Right. And because it's a party, you find out who else you know might be there, right?? Right. And if you are both going (and let's face it, when you're invited to the White House, you go) you ask, "Hey, wanna split a limo? It'll be fun.. and then afterwards we can go hit the White Castle - f--kin' A, man - White House and White Castle in one night?!??! SWEET!!!" Right?? Right.
So all of you District Jackballs - yeah, we're talking to you - you should have said something to the Secret Service when Tareq and Michaele turned up in line behind you and you didn't know they were coming.
The Salahis
You guys are NOT just some idiots that rolled up from an Arkansas mobile park (with all due respect to those who come from mobile parks in Arkansas). Apparently, these are some rich f--kers that live the high life in the District. Socialites with a nose for money.
That said, was it just some idea of a joke for you two Jackballs to show up to a White House event, dressed to the nines (yes, Mrs. Salahi looked f--kin' hot, didn't she????) and work the place like the guests of honor or were you just intent on getting to the party to keep up with the Joneses who were actually invited? Is this your idea of Punk'd for the jet-setters?
Just as an aside to all those of you looking to crash parties of your own (though the editors of Jackballs neither condone or suggest doing so), check out the absolute commitment these two jokers made. They were in character the whole time - not a second of wavering. Of course they were meant to be there!! By God, if you're going to crash a party - you gotta play all the way.
Anyway, what could possibly have made these two chance jumping to international attention, getting shot at, arrested, etc., by crashing THIS particular party? They had to have known that someone was going to have a camera.
And, of course, that was the plan all along. Get to the party. Sneak in the door. Greet the Prez. Sell the story. Wear a bikini on Real Housewives. As if you thought they just wanted to meet the Prez.
The Secret Service
Really????? You didn't check the list? Really? Chuck E. Cheese checks the f--king list. Are you effing kidding me?
Let's just go through this logically for a sec....
These two are in line, looking suave and rich - I get it. And as we mentioned, they were acting the part, but you're the goddamn US Secret Service. Now, it seems, Martin Scorcese and Ang Lee are going to have to fight to the death to decide who gets to cast them for their next film - hey, with acting chops like that everyone wants to cast them as their next Oscar bait.
Look, Secret Service, I know that you used to be run by Treasury - so if you are just a bunch of accountants with guns (yeah, we can play that way), then at least make sure that all the people are accounted for (column A has to add up to column B). If, on the other hand, now that you're part of DHS, you're a bunch of Jack Bauer style operatives with a single-minded purpose of protecting POTUS then you f--king better check the goddamn list, especially when the people that you let in are NOT just some Bill and Buffy Baxter from Georgetown. No, do some f--king profiling and double check that Tareq and Michaele Salahi could, potentially, not belong. And, yes, I said "profiling."
I know what you're thinking - you ran them through the metal detector and used your magic wands and s--t - they're cool. Okay, fine. I'll buy that you had the new guy pat down ol' fatty there, and the guy with 10 years service and a birthday the next week got to feel up Michaele a bit (nice).... but unless she stopped to shtoop your whole security detail while her husband voluntarily waited in a holding cell, you can't just let 'em in.
The Public
Yeah, f--k you. I know I said alphabetical.
You bastards need to stop giving a s--t about people like these two, the Jackball who (didn't) put his kid in a baloon, the (non) celebrities on "Get Me Outta Here...", b--ches like Omarosa on "reality" shows, etc.
Those of you out there following all the so-called reality, TMZ, Hollywood gossip, "Real" Housewives, and the like, are part of the problem. It is you that is creating this culture of anyone and everyone trying to become a little fame whore.
It's one thing for someone like a Susan Boyle to try and better her life by going on a TV programme (not a typo - she's British) and actually showing a bit of talent - it's an entirely different thing for some @$$ monkey from Peoria to have himself sent half-way around the world to live on an island starving for a month and compromising his morals and ethics for a tiny morsel of food in the name of fame while a horde of well-fed cameramen film him for your entertainment.
Hell, even Ms. Boyle had to endure your sneering and cynicism until she started to sing because God forbid that an not-so-attractive 50-something can sing - in your mind she has to look like Shakira or Fergie in order to have a voice (even though in both those cases you're not thinking about what's coming out of their mouths when you watch them, are you?).
To sum it up, I think the party crashers are the least of the problem. Kudos to them for pulling it off and f--k the rest of you for caring that they did.
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